I know everyone has thoughts about Netflix's series Sex/Life. It was quite the conversation starter on social media, so I had to throw in my two cents. I was bothered. I struggled to watch this without my therapist hat. Fairly, the writing and the plot forced me to wear my therapist hat the entire time I watched it.
The level of trauma, toxic behavior, and audacity in each episode oozed all over my television. Cooper called it the stain. I agree.
This shows stains love.
It stained good relationships.
It stained swinging parties.
It stained moms who make the brave and beautiful choice to stay home and raise kids. Stains EVERYWHERE.
So let's dive in and then I'll ask y'all to watch again and see what I see.
Emotional and verbal abuse is not ok. Any aspect of sharing your life, delving into the hard parts of your past is at the least complicated. It requires trust and vulnerability from your partner. The complicated nature of every relationship in the series was messy and unhealthy. The friendships, the sexual relationships, the acquaintances. The way our Aussie boo threw them having sex on the first date in the lead character's face to discredit her, yuck. The way Cooper essentially blamed his behavior all on the wife was awful. I could do on and on.
Stalking is wrong and not a sign of love. Both men engaged in very dangerous incidents of stalking. Aussie showing up at the school. Hubby is following the Aussie. Aussie watching her at home. This isn't life. It's not safe. It's the definition of lacking boundaries.
Friendships are sacred. I will directly speak here as a full believer in swinging, swapping partners, and fun and safe sex. I get it. In my view, we should engage in any form of play, kink, and pleasure that is the safest for the two people involved. But this show demonstrated one of the poorest friendships I've ever seen. It is not ok to watch your friend experience trauma and secretly have sex with this same perpetrator of said trauma, for over a year. Hell for even a day.
Ooh the sex
Let's go there. Sex is beautiful. It's fun. It should if possible overwhelm the senses and create a very blissful state. It should be a good piece of your life individually or in a union. But it should not control you. Sex seemed to control everyone. It created a dream state and completely left reality. Sure it can be fun to have risky sex in public places. Sure it can be fun to have sex on a first date. But sex should never have you forget safety. Risking trespassing and/or being shot is real. Not to pull a race card but black people bet not try and have sex in a Caucasian person's pool.
Sex on first dates with no protection is a deadly risk. HIV is still a real thing as are STIs. Sex should also not be a determining factor in if you're happy. Basing your entire marriage on sex is dangerous. The ability for our bodies to fail is is greater than not. Sex on average is 1-2 hours out of 24. Clearly, this isn't the most prevalent part of your day unless you are a Porn star. Please get control of your body and urges.
Love is not sex. Love is not pure passion. If you want to make love a verb or a noun it is up to you. Either way, it was never displayed in this series. It seemed to me that the only time the Aussie and dreamy wife said "I love you" was during sex. Hubby used it during manipulation during what he called the "stain" period. This was just all bad. Love is sacred and should be calming and soothing. It is not toxic. No matter the rush you get from the crazy doesn't make it love.
I could go on and on but I simply want us to not relish in good sex scenes (and pool sex isn't even that great).
To be mindful of the subliminal messages that we take in and secretly condone cause it's sexy, and uses words like love and need. I love a good juicy romance. But it can't be wrapped in this level of focus behaviors that encompassed the entire show.